Posted on May 29, 2012 via Hang The Code with 83,286 notes

When I was 5 years old, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘a leaf’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― Meelo

Posted on May 29, 2012 via Keep Calm and Be the Leaf with 310 notes

When Canada was chosen to host the 2010 Olympics people had questions. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:

I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:

Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

A:

Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:

I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto , can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A:

Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )

A:

So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:

Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto ,Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )

A:

What did your last slave die from ?

Q:

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )

A:

Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Canada is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q:

Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

A:

Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q:

Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )

A:

Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:

Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A:

Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q:

Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A:

No, we don't stink.

Q:

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )

A:

Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:

Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A:

Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q:

Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )

A:

Only at Thanksgiving.

Q:

Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A:

No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q:

I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )

A:

It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:

Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A:

Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Posted on May 29, 2012 via MODESTLY BOLD with 383 notes

Source: modestlybold